dear: sydni 16

keep walking, keep walking. no one looks if you walk fast enough and your hair blocks your face. just keep walking. 

but i know your eyes are SCREAMING and your heart says nothing, nothing, and all you want is to hear a little knock at the door, and you don't care who's doing the pounding. darling, i know how much you hurt when you fall out of bed every morning, and you say it was from scraping ice off your windshield, but you were frozen even in sleep. i know you froze in the spring, covered in your own flood of hardened Caring. i only want to tell you, i know, i know. all you needed was someone to understand.

this is about a box cutter, a safety pin, an earring, a knife. (plastic.) this is about under your bookshelf, where secrets stay hidden and the air reeks of copper. this is about a bracelet, the bed frame, a keychain, a knife. (steel.) this is about the hated glow on your left. this is about how comfortable the bathroom floor looks when blood is rushing away from your head and all you can think of is that you didn't know how beautiful the color red looked against porcelain. 

this is about nostalgic rust and how you'll always keep your flint next to your pillow. 

poor girl. you just don't know that it's easier to leave your senses untouched or that falling in love doesn't mean heartbreak. 

ps. i'm sorry about your feelings leaving. they'll come back soon.