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i have so many words twisting in my brain and they're all the same even though they feel so different and the words are about chapstick and wounds and you, always you, and Looming Things and maybe one day i'll figure it all out even though mymap says i "have it figured out" whatever "it" even is and maybe i'll get pretty or skinny enough to deserve you even though i know you're better than that and maybe one day i'll stay up late enough to write the Beautiful Words but i think i'm in love with sleep so i'm writing at 10 a.m. (and i think there's something to that psychology principle of once you get paid you stop liking what you love) and i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry they just won't come out right now