i remember

i remember watching 500 days of summer four times in two days, half of those with wilson. i remember my first time babysitting past midnight; it was the night before seventh grade started and at first i was bitter they kept me out so late but they paid me so much money i got over it real quick. i remember halloween when i dressed like a fairy, i remember my eyelashes, too, and i remember borrowing scarlet carol's little sister's pillow case.

i remember getting hooked on mumford the moment i heard after the storm. i remember arranging a meeting with the guy selling concert tickets in a run-down gas station in salt lake. i'm still not convinced the tickets were real but i used mine anyway.

i remember my first kiss. (brandon robbins.)

i remember how hot tar felt on my feet (literal and not a metaphor). there's no way to remember the amount of people that said "now you know how joseph smith felt!" i remember the cute "congratulations" card rothko painted for me when we both made student council. i still have that by my mirror. also the toothbrush she gave me.

 i remember the melt-down with my mom when i decided i couldn't quit piano and in fact i was going to major in performance. i remember the first song i ever accompanied for lois, august sophomore year and my hands were shaking so hard i could barely play.

i remember the first time i cried about a mission call, the only time actually, and it wasn't even at the real opening. i remember mikell's perfect attendance award and all the mini candy bars she threw across the room at me whenever i fell asleep. i remember trevor powers singing the smiths and i said "i love the smiths" and it was totally the aforementioned movie and ps i think we could have been friends based solely on love for that show.

i remember my civil war group with jackie but i don't know if we did well on it or if we just made temporary friends for christmas break. i remember lola franklin sending me a song two years ago and it was so perfect i cried. i remember going to real (as in the team) soccer games and always wishing i sat in the riot which i know is ridiculous but still.

hi moon. i remember all these little things about you, and i have a long list of them in a draft and a longer one inside, but i'm not ready for you to read it yet, because those things are mine that i can't just give them away, not even to you. but just know i remember all the little things because that's all there ever were.

and to him:
i remember your wool hat and red sweatshirt in lincoln center where we met. i remember i wore pinstripes before our first date. i remember how much you loved ender's game. i remember black ice. i remember bean bag nights, my favorite nights, your favorite nights. i remember when we almost fell down the stairs. i remember eating kumquats and mangoes by my fireplace when my parents were in europe. i remember dancing. so much dancing. (but we've never danced in the refrigerator light so does it even count?) people honking at us because they thought we were cute, and also obnoxious. and i remember the bridge and more than one waterfall with you. i remember exactly when i started thinking i knew what "whole" meant. i remember the bus ride in brooklyn, and i almost don't want to remember the me before that. i remember touch. i remember you called my chacos cute, an utter lie. i remember thinking it was fate that on both plane rides you sat next to an empty seat for me to fill. (you're welcome daveni, you two actually sat closer than if you had taken that seat.) i remember tie shopping and running in to hayden and ashlyn all week long with you. i remember you trying to do that lady and the tramp thing (fail). i remember my first time hammocking with you. i remember having the most perfect week i've had in new york with you.with you.with you. i remember, with you.